Dear Victoria:

BE SPLENDID, ELSE THE SELF ESTEEM NINJA WILL BEAT YOUR "MELANCHOLY-NESS-ISM" INTO THE GROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it for now chaps.

I'll go see what other bloggers I know that need ninjing. (The act of threatning with pictures of ninjas)

Update:

I'm on a hotel computer that is (trying to) use Windows 95.

This is hard. Unless I open every link in a new window, I get redirected to the frontpage of blogger.com. Also, the computer screen keeps twitching. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?!?!?!

Also, I can't get to my email.

I mish you guysh already. :(

Hey...uh...yeah...Oh! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

Yep.

Love thy neighbor, Golden Rule, tis better to give than recieve, e.t.c.

Okay. So, this is probably going to be my last blog post before I leave for Tahoe, go skiing, get lost again, and fall off a cliff this time.

This is the topic:

SHOULD RYAN GO BACK ON MEDS?!?!?!?!?!?!

Reasons Yes:
-Ryan's attention span is so, so short.
-Ryan's new treatments are taking their sweet time to work.
-Grades.
-I have to get IVs frequently until all the metals and toxins exit my body.

Reasons No:
-Ryan has no personality whatsoever when he takes his drugs.
-Ryan's drugs didn't work before.
-Ryan's drugs make him unhappy.
-Some of the drugs Ryan took before now have a "black box warning" which means that these drugs are known to be lethal in some instances.

So, if you guys give me your opinion on this, I'll read when I get back. Or when I can get onto a computer in Tahoe, (unlikely)

If you don't, I'll both go back to taking my drugs and keep not taking them at the same time. Trust me, you don't want to know how that works.

Moving on...

Christmas Highlights:

1. Relieved of responsibility for the biology poster. (And if I do say so myself, I'd say we went ABC.)

2. Played some video games with my bros.

4. Reminisce about creating a myspace profile, sending a message to "Deus Adesto" and then promptly deleting my profile to conceal my identity. I'm totally going to do that to every person that I know with a myspace account.

3. Ryan's Most Fully Radically Insanely Awesome Present Award goes to Mom and Dad for THE COMPLETE COLLECTION OF CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Try to decide whether to place the Awesome Present Award before or after the myspace highlight. (Compromise by confusing myself)

6. Read James' latest blog post and try to come up with a coherent, compassionate comment....Then fail miserably at it.

7. Think about Aunt Sandy and her continuing battle with lung cancer.

Happy 60th Post!!!!

...Yeah, I got nothin'

Let us speak of my foolishness once more.

So, I was going over all the mistakes that I had made earlier in the week, and last weekend. I CAME ACROSS A DOOZY OF A PROBLEM!!!!! I guess I'm pretty condescending whenever I know something someone else doesn't. Especially when it comes to computers. Like, one Sunday or whenever when a certain person thought that trying to print with the fax was a good thing. I basically mentally scoffed at her. Now the voices in my head are telling me that I was being extremely rude, mean, obnoxious, and just downright EVIL!!! They also told me that I must repent by stabbing myself repeatedly with my Spanish steel, or apologizing on the internet. AGAIN. (Scroll Down to see my other apology.)

I swear, I'll try to get better at this.

In other news, I finally found that like, awesome like, comic like, man.

WHO IS THAT!!?!?!!?!

IT'S A BIRD!!!!
IT'S A PLANE!!!!
NO, IT'S...who is that?! That ain't SUPERMAN!!!!












KEKEKEKE!!!! LOOK AT THE BUNNY!!!!!!

It sure is easy to be tolerant of other people if you hate yourself!!!!

*More expletives censored*

Wow...

Say, does anybody have these nights when they lie in bed, allowing their thoughts to wash over them, and they realize that their dreams are completely out of their reach?

Yeah, happens to me all the time. When I was in the fifth grade, I was at the reading level of a freshman. A college freshman. When I reached the sixth grade, I was at the level of a high school junior. When I "graduated" from Charmicael Middle School in the 8th grade, I was reading at a high school sophomore level.

My intellect is decreasing! My memory has gotten worse, as have my motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Honestly, I haven't matured since Elementary School. I've just had a lot more practice suppressing my feelings.

Some of you have met my grandmother. I don't want to be that kind of person, being forgetful all the time. And yet, I seem to be becoming more and more like that every day. She is so frustrated because she can no longer remember the correct way to play a piano. She has been playing the piano for seventy years.

This is my future. I am a textbook example of a brilliant failure. No matter how hard I try, I will not succeed. Failure looms over me like a raincloud, following me wherever I go. I stay up into the wee hours of the night doing my work, and I still do not complete it.

Maybe this is because I know that I can't do it. I know that I will not pass my classes, and I know that I will not actually get a job. I used to joke about becoming a hobo, but what other profession allows you to travel and be insane? Why do I need to keep on working when in my heart I know that all the work I ever do will be naturally inferior? I can't. My subconscious doesn't let me work because whenever I fail, I can't handle it. That's why I work on a group project for hours on end. I can't stand it when I feel like I failed someone. It eats away at me and keeps me up at night. Heck, that's the only reason I do my homework. If I don't, I feel like a failure. Hey wait, I feel like a failure right now! Hm...Oh yeah, and while I'm confessing things, to the entire blogging world, I also ignore homework even when it's right in front of me if it's too much stress. So, I really can't do those math assignments because it's a huge conscious fight to even acknowledge that they exist.

Better try to do something now, bye.


Clements Corporate
-Making you look good by comparison.

Duh parents wuz all like:

Hmmmmm...does this apply to me?

Yep.

So...I gotta get this out.

I was reeeeeeeeally hungry yesterday, so I went to Quiznos without Paul or Victoria. Normally, I wouldn't do this, but I was reeeeeeeeally hungry. So then I got back and tried to apologize to 'em, but only Paul listened. Hmm. At least Paul forgave me :)

Then today, I try to apologize over teh phone to Victoria and she "isn't there" she should be getting home right about now, supposedly. I suspect that she has actually been planning this in league with her parents for months, knowing that I would go to Subways and abandon her and Paul. That's why she's doing basketball, so I couldn't apologize to her today.

Well, too bad!!! I have the internet, and I'm not afraid to use it!!!

I'M SORRY PAUL AND VICTORIA!!!!!!
MY APOLOGIES BE NUMEROUS AND MEANINGFUL!!!

Where is hope? (About the comic: Dude, tell me about it.)

I'm still up, and I still have so much left to do >:(
I think I'm just gonna go to bed.

Anyways, I wrote a thing...amabob...er.

Why have you left me, when I need you most?
Why have you left me, when without you I am but a ghost?

Hope is gone, forsaken forever?

Why must I fail, when I have the tools to succeed?
Why must I fail, when it seems I have all that I need?
Where is hope?

I was going to post some pictures OF ME!!!! But the whole menu is missing. PORQUE?!?!?!?