It sure is easy to be tolerant of other people if you hate yourself!!!!

*More expletives censored*

Wow...

Say, does anybody have these nights when they lie in bed, allowing their thoughts to wash over them, and they realize that their dreams are completely out of their reach?

Yeah, happens to me all the time. When I was in the fifth grade, I was at the reading level of a freshman. A college freshman. When I reached the sixth grade, I was at the level of a high school junior. When I "graduated" from Charmicael Middle School in the 8th grade, I was reading at a high school sophomore level.

My intellect is decreasing! My memory has gotten worse, as have my motor skills and hand-eye coordination. Honestly, I haven't matured since Elementary School. I've just had a lot more practice suppressing my feelings.

Some of you have met my grandmother. I don't want to be that kind of person, being forgetful all the time. And yet, I seem to be becoming more and more like that every day. She is so frustrated because she can no longer remember the correct way to play a piano. She has been playing the piano for seventy years.

This is my future. I am a textbook example of a brilliant failure. No matter how hard I try, I will not succeed. Failure looms over me like a raincloud, following me wherever I go. I stay up into the wee hours of the night doing my work, and I still do not complete it.

Maybe this is because I know that I can't do it. I know that I will not pass my classes, and I know that I will not actually get a job. I used to joke about becoming a hobo, but what other profession allows you to travel and be insane? Why do I need to keep on working when in my heart I know that all the work I ever do will be naturally inferior? I can't. My subconscious doesn't let me work because whenever I fail, I can't handle it. That's why I work on a group project for hours on end. I can't stand it when I feel like I failed someone. It eats away at me and keeps me up at night. Heck, that's the only reason I do my homework. If I don't, I feel like a failure. Hey wait, I feel like a failure right now! Hm...Oh yeah, and while I'm confessing things, to the entire blogging world, I also ignore homework even when it's right in front of me if it's too much stress. So, I really can't do those math assignments because it's a huge conscious fight to even acknowledge that they exist.

Better try to do something now, bye.


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