Sometimes, I think about suicide. Actually, that’s a lie. I think about suicide a lot. Whenever I’m depressed (usually I’m trying to do my homework) thoughts of suicide begin to enter my brain. Obviously, I have not followed up on those thoughts, because I am still typing. Why? If you scroll down, you’ll see a pretty impressive (I think so anyways) list of problems. Why haven’t I given up life yet? The answer: I think suicide is selfish. Let me backtrack for a moment here. For a very long time, I have been had fantasies where I save multiple people’s lives. This is what I live for. No matter how many flaws I have, no matter how many problems I have, I know that I have skills. I know that there is still something I can to do improve other people’s lives, no matter how bad my life gets. And I don’t think I could do that to my family. I don’t think that I could violently remove myself from other people’s lives. I think that they would miss me. I know when the Boy Scout in my troop died one day (the cause was never determined) I wondered for months afterwards why he had died. His family was devastated by the sudden and inexplicable loss of their 15 year old son. One day he was laughing and making jokes, and the next day he was dead. I couldn’t do that to the people I care about. I firmly believe that my purpose is to help others be the best they can be, and to help reduce the hatred in this world. This sense of purpose helps me keep going, and is one of the main factors keeping me from falling into permanent depression. This is because I know that no matter how hard things get, I will always have a purpose.
I just used up my deepness quota for the rest of the year, just to let you know.
Sincerely,
Not Ryan Not Clements
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4 comments:
This amazing inhibition-free honesty completely blows me away...
You remind me more of my friend Nick. He'd always wanted to be a superhero for everyone else, yet has so many inner troubles.
And I agree about suicide being selfish. Nice to know you believe so as well.
Whats your list of problems?
And when did we have a deepness quota?
This post is mind-blowing. And I like it, not ryan not clements.
If I go over my deepness quota, my brain 'esplodes from the lack of silly thoughts :)
(I know 'cause it happened before. Luckily for me, the pieces came back together pretty easily with some glue and tape.)
If possible, i feel that most people who commit suicide would regret it afterwards. I know you believe in Heaven, but don't take the chance that you won't wake up in another life. Live life to the fullest, because you never know if the end is really the end. Sometimes I think those sad thoughts, and then a day or two later, I feel extremely happy, and i say to"to think that I could have given p hope and never have felt the way I feel now." Don't rule out the chance that you can feel incredible shortly after feeling so bad, becuase it happens very often.
And I agree with you: ending your life would be a disservice to the world. Whenever Mozart (or was it Beethoven) got those thoughts, he would say to himself "Think of all the beauty I would not be bringing into the world, I could not leave the world without offering all I had to offer" Think about all the beauty Kurt Cobain could have created if he had lived a decade or two longer. Realize that sadness blinds us, and making decisions in such a state is irrational. Live strong.
P.S. I really do appreciate the honesty. Keep it up.
I'll try. ^.^
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